Twentieth-century U.K. novelist and philosopher Iris Murdoch once wrote that “the bereaved cannot communicate with the unbereaved.” Grief can have intense physical and emotional effects on people, from nausea and increased blood pressure to changes in memory and behavior. Knowing how to help a grieving person can be difficult, but Rev. Julie Platson of Sitka believes that communicating with the bereaved is not only possible, but essential for healing.
Platson will visit Wrangell’s St. Philip’s Episcopal Church on April 29 from 1 to 2:30 p.m. to offer a workshop on the needs of grieving people and how to best support them.
“A lot of time, we just hold (grief) in,” she said, “and it manifests itself in our bodies, spirits and minds. We don’t realize how it takes its toll. We think we’re getting through it … we live in a time in society that’s been trying to speed up grief. Everything in our world is so fast. Grief is one of those things that’s going to take as long as it’s going to take.”
Often providing support is less about knowing the exact right thing to say and more about listening, she explained.
Platson works with Brave Heart Volunteers, a Sitka-based volunteer organization that provides companionship and compassionate care to those experiencing grief, illness and isolation. She was a hospice chaplain in Nevada for 11 years before moving to Alaska in 2015. When she first started working in hospice, the role “was kind of something new for me,” she recalled, “but I just jumped into it and it became a passion.” Since then, she’s spent almost two decades conducting home visits, facilitating grief groups and providing one-on-one support.
She is currently a priest in Sitka and has been certified as a grief educator through grieving expert and author David Kessler’s online program. Kessler was an associate of the late Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist and the author of “On Death and Dying.”
People need to “find somebody who you can tell your story to as many times as you want to tell it,” Platson said.
Having these discussions is especially important in the wake of the international tragedy of the COVID-19 pandemic. “A lot of people are walking around as if we’re through COVID and it’s all done,” Platson said. “But there’s been a lot of things that we’ve lost and a lot of people are grieving. It feels like a good time to get some simple information out there and let people know that they’re not alone.”
Alice Rooney from Hospice of Wrangell invited Platson to speak after attending one of her presentations in Sitka last fall. “I was very impressed with what they’re doing in Sitka,” she said. “They’re doing something right.”
Decades of experience in end-of-life care have taught Rooney the importance of supporting grieving loved ones. “People often feel really uncomfortable,” she said. “They want to be supportive to somebody who is grieving, but they don’t want to say the wrong things, so they don’t say anything.”
“Just to be physically present can be helpful,” she continued. “The worst thing you want to do is look away and say, ‘I’m going to avoid the person.’ That can be hurtful.”
Learning specific methods to provide support from a trained grief educator can help people overcome that discomfort and engage more deeply with the bereaved. “It’s basically a chance to get some ideas and think about ways to support your friends and loved ones … or a loss that you’ve had,” said Rooney. “We hope that it will be a time of education and awareness.”
Platson plans to keep the workshop relaxed and informal. Educational pamphlets will be available, and after a brief presentation, the group will have the opportunity to discuss their concerns.
The event is open to anybody in the community, whether they are struggling themselves, want to support a loved one or want to be better prepared to provide support in the future.
Hospice of Wrangell and St. Philip’s Episcopal are co-sponsoring.
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